I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
