everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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