just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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