I met the friendliest cop last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
