I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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