Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
