I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
