I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize