Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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