guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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