Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I had to cum in my sink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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