tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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