If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
where are my eyebrows?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize