I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
