dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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