i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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