I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
