If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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