When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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