so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
