went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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