Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
