What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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