tell your sister to shave her snatch
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
