trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
