And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
They are going to name an STD after you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
