I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
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STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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