oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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