My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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