woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
