break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
