I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
