I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
