Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
