I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
