It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
