Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
