we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
