he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
