she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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