it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
