Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
