i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
