I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize