I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
