I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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