I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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