So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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