All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
