Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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