During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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