I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
