they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
