Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
tonight lets celebrate not being married
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
