Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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