it hurts more in the daytime
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize