Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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