Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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