need another drink. this is the easiest way
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I smell like Dick and happiness
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
