Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
