when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
