I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
