Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
