The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
