I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
