I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
