he puts the penis in happiness.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
