went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
