a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
