Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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