How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Randomize
